Parenting Begins Before Conception
by David Chamberlain

Pregnancy After a Miscarriage
by Gayle Peterson

Teenage Pregnancy Dramatically Reduced
by Donna Chamberlain

Fatherhood
by Belden Johnson

The Art of Playful Parenting
by Michael Mendizza

Yoga, Conscious Birth, Conscious Parenting
by Deborah Jordan

Parenting Begins Before Conception

Excerpt from a presentation by David B. Chamberlain, Ph.D
Author, The Mind of Your Newborn Baby (3rd ed.) 1998

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If you ask most people when parenthood begins, they say it begins after birth when there is a real baby to take care of. "Lady in waiting," has been used to describe a passive pregnancy; what the mother is "waiting" for is the birth of her child. Three big facts about the dynamic period from conception to birth warn us to start parenting before conception—or risk being many months late!

First, the gestation period may seem lazy and slow, but science reveals it actually moves at jet speed. In just twenty-one days after the meeting of egg and sperm, the heart will begin work circulating blood. Eight weeks from conception, the basic organs of the body are already in place. The quality of that little heart system and all the organs of the body will largely depend on the vibrant health of both parents and the vibrant quality of the mother’s diet at that time—when you may not even know you are pregnant.

Second, parents are the principal architects of the brain. A critical time in development of a normal brain and spinal cord is Day 23 and 24 from conception when the neural tube needs to close on both ends to avoid defects. Genes are at work here, but the Environment (mainly the health and love of parents) is sending them signals to turn on or off. At all times, love will signal safety for growth. Do you want to be there for this?

The third big fact that redefines and reschedules parenting is that babies are more powerful communicators than we ever imagined. Communication will not wait: beings of all sizes and ages are sending and receiving signals. Evidence is piling up that they possess essential qualities of knowing and awareness and want to connect with you.

The challenge of parenting is to be there from the start, and preferably before!

Pregnancy After a Miscarriage

Gayle Peterson, Ph.D., Therapist

Taking time to heal emotionally, as well as physically, after a miscarriage is a wise choice. Hormonal balance may be affected by your emotions, and waiting until you have recovered may also help you approach your next pregnancy with less anxiety.

Mourning for a miscarriage presents a unique challenge because others do not always fully understand the profoundness of your loss. Parents, especially mothers who miscarry, experience significant loss of the promise for what was to come. It is particularly difficult to grieve what is not yet here. But this is exactly what parents face, after miscarriage.

It is natural for you to experience a desire to replace what has been lost, but this expectation may prove false. Many women experience grief for a pregnancy loss, even after they have had a subsequent child. Perhaps allowing this pregnancy to be special involves grieving and letting go, before welcoming another. Consider allowing your body to become familiar with your cycle again. Like seasons turning, there is healing that comes with time.


Consider the following suggestions to help your through this healing period:

Engage in an activity that soothes body and mind. Yoga or some other form of mind-body exercise can calm your spirit and support your body's recovery. Use your breath to reach places that need healing and release emotions, while doing something good for yourself.

Visualize healing. Breath into your womb and visualize the inside cells of your womb healing, oxygen flowing into the tissues...go to the place where you held your child, and say "goodbye," if you wish. See the tissue healing, turning pink, soft and healthy. Eventually visualize your womb readying itself for another pregnancy. But only after several times of visualization, and when you feel ready to do so.

Talk with your partner. Some couples find a hidden treasure as they move through their grief together. A gift of discovering each other on a deeper level, more readiness for the responsibility of parenthood, or some other value to their shared journey may offer a silver lining and a deepening of the maturity so important in becoming parents together. Seek soothing from your partner by talking, crying together and creating a ritual to honor the passing away of your first pregnancy. Let go of the dream that was, as a part of the process of making room for the dreams to come.

Consider counseling. Consult with a counselor with expertise in pregnancy and birth to talk and explore further, if necessary. Address anything this loss might have surfaced for you or ways it may have negatively impacted your relationship with your partner.

Assure yourself that you will conceive again. Ease your pain and share concerns by talking with other moms who have experienced a similar loss.

Listen to your intuition. It is likely that there is something to be learned by taking your time to heal.

Teen Age Pregnancy Dramatically Reduced

Donna Chamberlain, BEPE Coordinator

Laura Archera Huxley received the Thomas R. Verny Award for outstanding contributions to Pre-and Perinatal Psychology and Health at the 20th anniversary Congress of the Association for Pre and Perinatal Psychology and Health meeting in San Francisco on December 4, 2003.

This delightful, eighty-year old, Italian-born lady, had become a virtuoso violinist as a teenager debuting in Carnegie Hall before World War II. In 1948 she met and married Aldous Huxley. Eventually, her interests expanded to include counseling, prenatal psychology, and writing. Her concerns for children became intense after becoming a mother.

Laura wrote: “Health and disease begin in the womb; love and hatred begin in the womb, war and peace begin in the womb.” After she established a non-profit foundation named “Children: Our Ultimate Investment,” the organization held two important conferences in 1978 and 1994. Laura designed some imaginative projects such as "Project Caressing," and "Teens & Tots." The former had envisioned in every city block a serene, soundproof, pastel-colored room, furnished only with comfortable rocking chairs and pillows. The plan was to have volunteer retired adults available to hold babies, “knowing that their warmth and affection will magically infuse the child’s entire life with responsive tenderness.” Laura’s concern was that if the baby is not fondled and caressed in its first two years, the result would be unresponsive delinquents, neurotic behavior, or underachieving.

“Teens and Toddlers,” for which she was honored by APPPAH, was first offered in 1978. From 1994 to 1998 it was operated by EnCompass Learning Center at Sierra Central High School in Grass Valley, California, from which it spread to schools in South Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, and to the State of Vermont. From there it crossed the Atlantic to Germany, and to Greenwich, Gloucester, and Southwark in England. The program brought boys and girls 9 to 15 years old into nursery schools where they were matched with toddlers on a regular schedule during a one-semester high school course. In this experiential laboratory the teens found themselves having an initiation into parenting; they started to rethink everything about sexuality and pregnancy. Laura's ingenious course had taught the high ideals of conscious parenting.

In 1985, when the problems of teen pregnancy were at their peak, research of the Alan Guttmacher Institute revealed that in the United States 96 out of 1000 young women between ages 15 –19 become pregnant. The premature experience of parenthood tends to stifle formal education, lead young mothers into poverty, and tends to be self-perpetuating: 82% of girls who give birth at 15 or younger are daughters of teenage mothers. ("Children Having Children,” TIME, 12-9-85, 79.) In every school where Teens & Toddlers has been offered, the teen age pregnancy rate has been drastically reduced!

We welcome your stories of helping to prevent teen pregnancies. Please write to donna@bepe.info.

Fatherhood

Belden Johnson

Fathers often get short shrift, sometimes for good reason. We invite you to open to some positive images of fatherhood.
(Collected, arranged, and presented by Belden Johnson before the Association for Pre- & Perinatal Psychology & Health, San Francisco, December 6, 1999.)


A man loving himself and his future children enough to heal himself of his
past wounds before he chooses a woman to conceive with.
A man nourishing himself by choosing a good woman & committing to a
consciously-loving relationship into which to warmly welcome wished-for
children.
A man nourishing his woman by speaking total truth, by taking 100%
responsibility for his reality, by supporting her highest good as well as
his own, by co-creating equally with her the safe nest of home & family.
A man who tells his 8-month pregnant wife how beautiful she is.
A man who creates lullabies to sing to his baby in the womb.
A man who also wants a home birth with a midwife & is completely present
during the labor & delivery.
A man who protects children, male & female, from genital mutilation &
sexual abuse.
A man who chooses to work half-time so he can parent half-time.
A man who changes all the diapers.
A man who dispenses with diapers & becomes the Permanent Pooper Scooper for as many years as it takes.
A man who loves skin-to-skin contact with his babies.
A man who welcomes a family bed.
A man who carries his baby in a Snuggli or a Gerry-pack.
A man who plays the piano with one hand while holding his baby with the other.
A man who kills his television & reads his children stories.
A man who wrestles with his children and always lets them win.
A man who coaches co-ed sports teams for his children and, when they ask
who won, tells them that whoever had fun won.
A man who creates an alternative schooling for children who need it.
A man who will gladly teach & gladly learn. A man who listens.
A man who says it's OK to cry, or be afraid, or angry, or excited.
A man who can cry, & be afraid, & be angry without violence or blaming.
A man who knows that he is the caretaker of Divine Souls, who come trailing
clouds of Glory from God who is their home.
A man who celebrates his children's differences from him & encourages them
to become whoever & whatever they wish to become.
A man who, when the time comes, can let the birds fly the nest & bless them
on their way out into the global family.
A man who fathers all children, & weeps for the fatherless.
These images are true & real. Such fathers are now among us. Bless them &
their fatherhood.

The Art of Playful Parenting

Michael Mendizza

Everyone knows that childhood is a transformational journey for children. Few realize that loving, caring for and mentoring children is, like it or not, a developmental, transformative practice for adults. Certainly no adult emerges from these relationships the same as they begin. The explosive learning, personal growth and yes, deep, profound transformation children experience throughout childhood is available to adults right now, at any age.

My work weaves together three basic themes. First, parenting, coaching, caring for and educating children are developmental, transformative practices or stages for adults, just as learning to walk and talk are transformative practices for the child. The adult-child relationship represents an explosive opportunity for adults to reach beyond the limits most have accepted for themselves, and the childlike qualities, the genius of childhood, modeled by the child in this relationship represent the optimum “state” for this transcendent journey to take place.

Second, learning, performance and wellbeing, at any age or stage of development, are “state specific.” The specific state of the body and mind as one meets a challenge defines what is learned and how well one performs. Meaning, content, what we usually call “the score,” emanates from the specific state of the body and mind as it meets any challenge. If we want to change the outer, the score, or behavior, we must begin by optimizing our own inner state.

Third, if learning and performance are “state specific,” the next question is, “what is the optimum state?" The great rule is: Play on the surface and the work takes place beneath awareness. Play, we discover, is not an activity. Play is a state of being, the optimum state for relating to any challenge. Athletes call this optimum state the Zone. Researchers call it Flow. For centuries people have been researching the “psychology of optimum experience.” Play, the Zone and Flow have similar characteristics. They are in fact one state expressing differently at different developmental stages. The state of Play, we discover, is nature’s expectation for optimum learning and performance, lifelong. My work applies this optimum state to parenting and to education.

The child is desperately looking to the adult and adult culture for transcendent models that awaken and challenge the child’s innate transcendent nature. The only way adulterated adults can provide this “model imperative” is by taking their cues from the child and rediscovering, in relationship with the child, their transcendent nature, which most adults have forgotten or abandoned long ago. My work helps adults rediscover the playful, childlike genius of their own nature as they guide, learn from and mentor children. This awakening develops in adults new capacities and possibilities, which transforms the adult. Adults, modeling their transcendent nature, create radically different learning environments for children, which transforms the child and cycles back to challenge the adult in new ways, which transform the adult. I call this playful, reciprocal-dynamic, the Optimum Learning Relationship.

Yoga, Conscious Birth, Conscious Parenting

Deborah Jordan

Published in Sierra Nevada Children Services’ summer issue of Family Post (2005)

“Childbirth is a heart-opening sacred ritual that needs to be honored and respected.” (Barbara Findeisen, MFT, said in video “What Babies Want,” an explorations of consciousness of infants). The gift that babies bring into our world is, as the renowned author Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “an invitation to the greatest intimacy that this life affords us.” When I saw the sparkle in my son's eyes, my priorities began to shift and I began to seek a better quality of life for him and our family. We all want for our children what we always wished for ourselves, that they be allowed to grow into their “authentic” selves. Cutting-edge research in pre- and perinatal psychology proves now that memory and conscious awareness begin at conception. As we begin the journey of parenthood, beginning at conception or earlier if possible, we are reminded and asked to heal and nurture ourselves so we do not unconsciously pass on to our children any unresolved anger, shame or fear about own experiences in the womb, at birth, or in childhood.

We begin to explore our values and affirm what kind of parents we'd like to be. Self-awareness comes easier when we are relaxed, still, or moving at a slower pace. Yoga not only helps a pregnant woman exercise but teaches her how to relax into discomfort. Yoga is nurturing and teaches us to relate to our bodies and ourselves with compassion and respect. Prenatal yoga empowers a woman as she prepares for childbirth and parenthood by turning her attention inward, strengthening her confidence, her ability to trust her intuition, to speak her truth for the health and well-being of herself, her baby, and her family. “Ahimsa”, non-violence, is an essential part of the foundation of yoga as a philosophy of life. Yogic philosophy is universal so it is compatible with any religion or lifestyle that is aligned with non-violence. If we are able to practice this with ourselves then we will have an increased capacity to love others unconditionally. This is what a baby needs and wants.

In “What Babies Want,” Pearce says that “ the emotional state of the pregnant woman has a direct relationship with the shape, nature, and character of the brain structure of the infant.” The movement aspect of yoga is a unique form of exercise because it feeds us emotionally, mentally, as well as physically. Rather than busying the mind with reading or watching TV while we work our bodies, yoga asks us to invite the mind to slow down, relax, get quiet so we can hear the callings of our heart. Prenatal yoga gives pregnant women and couples an environment in which to celebrate and welcome the conscious being that is already with them.

Pregnant women and couples appreciate being educated and informed about the various community resources and diverse choices available to them. They need to feel safe and supported to make the choices that are best for them. This is why I created my Prenatal Welcome Packet, for new students, full of local referrals for free and for-fee services that include natural products and practitioners that provide education and healing support for birth trauma resolution, prenatal care, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, and postnatal care. I make available free of charge“What Babies Want: An Exploration of the Consciousness of Infants," a must see documentary DVD by Debby Takikawa, narrated by Noah Wyle of the television show “ER”, and featuring interviews with leading professionals in the areas of medical science, sociology, and psychology, including David Chamberlain, PhD, one of the major contributors to the exploration of birth trauma resolution.

There are many ways to prepare ourselves for life as a parent: the sacred task of being completely responsible for the care and well being of another human being. Research indicates that the way we care for and relate to ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually throughout the pregnancy can have lasting impressions on the biology and psychology of the baby that comes through our body into this world. Starting before conception is optimal but it's never too late to start right where you are. The choices we make about how we enter into parenthood influence not only our own evolving experience of life as we live it and the well being of our child; but also influence the nature of world society. Laura Archera Huxley, the 2003 recipient of the Thomas R. Verny Award for outstanding contributions to Pre-and Perinatal Psychology and Health, wrote: “Health and disease begin in the womb; love and hatred begin in the womb, war and peace begin in the womb.” Peaceful womb beginnings, conscious birthing and parenting are seeds for peace on this Earth. The peaceful way is the yogic way.

Deborah Jordan's training and experience in yoga, healing, and parenting is diverse. In addition to her formal yoga instructor training, she holds certifications in Touch for Health, Specialized Kinesiology, Cellular Memory & Tibetan Energy Release. She continues to hold CPR certification for adults, children, and infants. Deborah is mother of two boys and has personal experience with birth trauma resolution, miscarriage, hospital and home birth. Her Prenatal Yoga Programs offer pregnant women and pregnant couples an opportunity to practice self-care of the body-mind with awareness of the conscious being in the womb and its need for love, peace, and welcoming. Deborah's Postnatal Program shows parents how to creatively combine self-care of their body-mind with satisfying the infant's need for bonding and play. Her Children's Program includes parent/child yoga for years 3-7 called “Yoga Play”, as well as workshops for older children, teenagers, and athletic teams. She is a faculty instructor for Sierra College and California College of Ayurveda in Grass Valley. She offers adult classes at Club Sierra Fitness and Stillpoint Studios (part of Spring Hill Physical Therapy Center). Deborah also specializes in design of personal home practices and personalized private instruction in the home or studio. Contact by phone 530-271-7390 or e-mail yogaworks@hotmail.com.